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hello :)
Sunday, April 29, 2007
9:59:00 pm
I don't think the talk with the psychologist helped me very much. In fact, I think it succeeded in doing just the opposite, making me feel at an all time low. So it seems that the fact that I don't really care what other people pretty much think about me seems to have turned into the fact that I'm some sissy who doesn't try to convince people about my point of view and just accepts things the way they are, giving up on everything because I'm too weak to make a difference. I feel VERY misunderstood. Actual fact why I don't bother convincing people is, I feel that there are more important things out there worth your time, effort, energy, and most of the time these trivial things such as other people's opinions and views do NOT bother me. I couldnt care less.
This stupid interview gave me false hopes, and has crashed me into a banana tree. And again, I ask why. It was a waste of time, MONEY, effort, energy. I knew it right from the start. And, I'm starting to hate that psychologist. He made me feel inferior, and stupid, and totally lousy, like I've no life in me, like I'm shy timid and a total worrywart who is forever anxious. DOTS. He made me lose confidence in myself and I'm starting to question and doubt my abilities. How can anyone give a review on my personality and character all from a 5hour talk? ridiculous.
I would say 'PSC, good try, I applaude your efforts'. With a sarcastic tone of course.
Another thing I wanted to talk about, is that, I havent not seen ttk for so long before. These 3 weeks since he went into army. And when I met him these 2 days when he went out, I dont know. I just feel things are so different. He didnt change. He's still the same. Just that the way I feel. Is different.
I was actually looking foward to him coming out. Long time never see him, u WILL miss him. friend or not, boyfriend or not. But I was somehow unduly disappointed. No denying my heart was thumping rather hard when his train roared into the station. Anticipation of what I've been waiting for so long I guess. But after the meeting, I wasnt all that excited anymore. I'm confused. It's nice to know someone who's nice likes you. But again, I don't think the feelings are mutual anymore. And I'm just making use of him, all the time.
And I know I don't wanna go out with him anymore.
Somehow I wish, it can return to the old days, when I felt I was the luckiest girl in the whole world.