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how interesting. girls usually wanna marry someone who's like their dad. to me, i've always been told, to be like him is badbadbad. seriously speaking, the person i wanna marry will be somehow who is the least like my dad haha.
but im thankful i guess. at least, i have a choice to tell or not to tell. i can hide it if i want to. and for that, im thankful, at least it's within my control.
but u have to wonder, tt he's quite something. the way he can talk n make friends n make ppl feel good (okay except for us) the way he can manipulate ppl to get advantages for himself. the way he can lie till i cant tell the difference. okok. let's stick to the positive points haha. yeah the way he can lead. n i guess my fitness originates from there. he used to have alot of medals. altho i was led to believe they were unimpt by mom. but still, till now i dunno the truth haha. but wadever it is.
it makes me wonder.
Sad, but I know inevitably over time memories will just remain as memories, fading into the back as new ones are built. Probably over time, some might not even remember me! Same goes for me. Sometimes, I even have hard time remembering my ex-classmates whom I've spent like 1-2 years with! What is 5 months compared to that.
But I can't help but feel sad.
Still, I'm too young, to ever be a teacher to them. I'm just 18. Just 18. Some of them are of the same age! And some, even older. I'm too much like them. I have my own insecurities, my own doubts, my own self-conciousness, my own idunnos, my own many questions. Some of them are such outstanding ppl in school. SCs, HCs etc. If I was a student in their batch, I'd probably be somebody after 2 years they'll never even talk to.
Why do I feel so insecure? It's like the thought of getting out of my comfort zone, the thought of having to mix with ppl, scares me. Well, strangely enough I always start off optimistically. Thinking how fun to go for orientation camps, to get to know more new ppl. But then, comes the blows one by one. First, altho I submitted my form, I wasn't even chosen to go for the camp! And so far, all I heard, everyone is able to go. Makes me wonder, why me... What's wrong with me, that they didnt like. Generally, I'm like this. Everyone new, no matter how irritating they seem, I still have this big part in me, to like them, to think positively. But once they 'do' something 'bad' to me, it's hard to forgive. Grudges, I hold. And so, now I just don't like ntu accountancy.
That aside, the thought of having to have orientation with ppl like some ppl i used to know puts me to jelly-legs. Now, don't ask me why :(
Aye, just feeling quite down as of now.
On a happier note, bowling is quite fun. I think I wanna learn more. The pro ways to bowl :) AND, I can't wait for wednesday! trio :)