0 comments
0 comments
0 comments
0 comments
0 comments
0 comments
0 comments
Today's post shall be titled:
Road Hazard in the morning
AND so.... for 1 hr, i terrorised the roads of toa payoh. first time out luh cant blame me uh =P i think my instructor was quite horrified as well. ahhhhhhh :( :( :(
Today's post (no. 2) shall be titled:
Throwing 15bucks Away to the First Dentist to Horrify Me
Cuz of the fishbone which has been irritating me for 1 day, n my mom's wonderful suggestion, i went to the dentist downstairs. For him to just, 1) squirt anaesthetic into my gums, making it feel so swollen i couldnt swallow. it tasted horrible n i wanted to die of the most uncomfortable feeling. 2) poked n proded n pushed down my tongue till i wanna puke 3) tried to psycho me to
buy antibiotics to prevent infection. (like DOTS) 4) daylight robbery of 15bucks.
frustration. all my hard earned money :( sighhhhhh
Today's post (no. 3) shall be titled:
Carrying a bomb-bag for >30mins in a suPer packed train
where i couldnt hold onto railings n hence leg muscles were like super tensed. for 30whole minutes from outram to boon lay! tt was aFTEr walking the linkway from nel to east-west. n with tt bomb of a bag, each step is horrendous lugging of self+weight-dragging-me-down. such tt after walking like 50m, i was reluctant to even turn around n go back up altho i realised i forgot to bring jeans/pants n so this week either wearing shorts (like market) or skirt plus i've 2 presentations!! ahh!
my legs were like terrible such tt when i tried to walk when i got out of the train at boon lay, my legs actually HURT =X n i had difficulty walking =X
i need to sleep gdnite
it's a miracle!
yesterday while coming out from church carpark, zhenhao's car happily reversed n banged straight into my bro's car. wonderful! welldone.
zhenhao's so funny. first he happily reverses without looking behind. den he abandons his car in the middle of the road to see the damage. hahha! but it was really a miracle. altho i dint even know his car banged. but the ppl sitting in front (aka bro n fren) said it did n i guessed they're both experienced drivers so yeah. it was like rather head-on tho. BUT they couldnt find a single scratch or dent except for this round black small small dot. maybe it was the light. maybe the car colours were both light colours. but maybe it was just A MIRACLE! ahhahahahhaha. all of us were like 'woahhh!' hahhaa.......
cuz the car belongs to dad n is currently on loan cuz he's not in spore. so will be damn sian if bang. anw zhenhao's car was those small high type. n there were like TONS of ppl piling behind hahha. so maybe tt's why he dint see n happily reverse.
i nv regretted going for last night's service. altho tuition at island creamery at serene centre was totally tiring n brain absorbing, but met some friends there (from another cell) who met there before to eat ice cream. so walked back with them. it was cool. the whole place filled with us young ppl. somehow it's like very different from YAS last time leh. it felt more like CAMP! worship could've been longer tho. it was so different. so much more vibrant n exciting. like camp. message was good good good. i guess i've a better idea now! :) it was nice to know brother eugene remembers my name (altho i've nv once attended cell) when he prayed for me during altar call :)
after service was kinda cool. we had FOOD! nice yummy guo tiao + seaweed chicken + spring roll + MANGO CAKE + cold fruit punch = YUMMM... nice to see everyone around. hang around w everyone. talk talk talk :) had a little cell then n some prayer. so funny. cuz emme steph me 3 of us. so 3 usually takes longer to pray. so by the time we finished like eh the crowd thinned alr. hahha!
you know, i love my cell friends to bits n pieces. i think they rock. totally.
For me to live is Christ to die is gain
To hold His hand and walk His narrow way
There is no peace, no joy, no thrill
like walking in His will
For me to live is Christ to die is gain
a 'new' song we learnt yest. okay actually it's just a very old hymn. the words r really so so so meaningful. our snr pastor shared how when he first came to TCC, it was one funeral service cuz the week before the chief worship leader died. during the service he said the exact same things, something like 'If I live, I live for Christ, but to die, is heaven's gain. If my life is what it takes to get my whole family to know Christ, let it be.' or something along those lines. not sure exact words. he's known to be a super careful scooter rider. but he met with an accident on the way back tt same day. n died. his whole family came to know the Lord at his funeral.
we have just ONE life to live. what i long for is for God to say to me at the end 'I'm pleased with you'. IMAGINE! it was a very good sermon which has been reinforcing what i've been feeling for sometime, coinciding with what i shared with minghui when we were sharing n praying for each other during service abt what we want to accomplish for God this year. a PLUS point was that, i even learnt how to :) a question which has been bugging me.
so WHEEEEEEEE. stepping into God's house later today! :)
Being thrown against the rocks too often in too short a timespan makes me real tired of trying to blink back tears.
Ever wondered why i feel so hopeless n helpless.
1 Corinthians 1:27-29 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things -- and the things that are not -- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.
i like the word but. it appears so many times in the bible. i really like it alot. it's like the world is lidat lidat lidat. BUT with God, everything is one big BUT. He can turn anything around altho the world is like THAT. great huh :)
It's when I feel so helpless, that u really turn to God.
i kinda expected alot of things this year.
BUT IT'S ONLY JANUARY.
how to survive 2008.
I feel I'm starting to have this resentment against NTU and i doubt I'll be able to compose the essay I did for the instep application from the bottom of my heart again. haha.
Use me Lord.
Today's post should be titled:
How to Get Over Disappointment
okay. what happened was, i shouldnt've waited so long. apparently, being the last minute worker i always am, i took too long to get around to doing INSTEP application. i thought deadline was today, but i didnt know it was 2pm. so what happened was i missed the deadline, after i realised, i thought maybe i can go down personally.
so i printed n went all the way down (okay or maybe up) to IRO at international house. only for them to say nopenopenopenopenopenopeNOPE.
okay, i was crushed. very. roomie knows how much i really really want to go. i know myself best how badly i wanted to go.
i went opposite there to LT2. n sat there n uh kinda teared. for 1/2 hr. not my fault. it just wouldnt stop. (hey it rhymes) again, i felt so stupid, disappointed n super pissed w myself. but i'm glad to say my faith strengthened. my heart ached seriously. i so badly wanted to go.
i sat there n tore my application form up n folded 3 hearts.
sighhhh. crying out my heart to God does help. i know i know i know it. i know he was holding me all the way tho. i just wanted time on my own.
As long as I have breath,
i will find a way to say
that I love You.
though the world may pass away
I'll still find a way to say
that I love You.
But i guess it's all for the better. altho i dont think i'll go overseas then. cuz yr2 sem1 is the most ideal time. too many things in sem2 n yr3 is not a v wise idea. so yeah. anw, i was foreseeing finanacial difficulties. so yeah doubt i'll be able to go financially anw. tt means i'll still continue getting my monthly income from teaching. i'll be able to join AIESEC, biathlon n train for ivp swimming! i'll be able to join tj alumni (the cool ppl) for concert n maybe competition! n tt means the overseas holiday i wanna give my mom at the end of the year gets more feasible! :)
so all in all, i guess staying in spore is good.
just worried i wont get hall. travelling wont be easy aye.
BUT MAYBE MY SISTER CAN GET A HALL N I CAN CAMP! oh man i just realised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i guess if God has positioned me here in NTU, (after all it was cuz i felt tt calling tt i chose here) he has great things in stored for me. already im thankful for the encouragement He has shown me :) i guess my perspective n relationship with God has really changed since the camp! :) n I'M LoVInG iT! :)
i walked thru north spine. n found the most glorious clouds n blue blue blue blue skies. i stood there, enjoying it all. with the maNy weird birds.. i think they're swallows?!!! swopping around. it struck me how great Thou art. to be able to create such things. we're merely His creations. imagine Him creating us, every organ, every workings in our body, such tt man still havent yet finished discovering. if all the clouds r His creations, n it's alr so beautiful, how much more gloriously wonderful Heaven must be!!
then i decided to turn ard n leave, n i saw the most wonderful sunset. standing at the level above lee wee nam there. i stood in awe of the sunset. the layers of clouds, made me think im in an aeroplane, being able to see those layers. nv knew it possible to see tt sort of thing on land.
the wind was gloriously nice. all in all, it was an awesome evening.
and i thank God for reminding me of His love, His awesomeness, and His promises for me :)
Welcome to Singapore.
What a disappointing day this has been. But it never fails to amaze me how God always gives me understanding and comforts me in the midst of all these disappointments.
Firstly, I didnt get to see clement today. haha. altho there was prize presentation. mok wasnt there but he said on mon alr. n some girl from nus took instead. how funny haha. nobody claimed for clement! i wonder where did he go. and hence, i dint get to see him. i guess it's all for the better. such a thing as seeing him was amazingly unexpected and i guess such things r like once only. n since i missed it haha too bad lorh. just a cool memory i guess.
But most importantly. Sometimes when u have such a terrible crush it takes over ur everything. tt's how me n roomie think it's so tiring. especially your thoughts n mind. But i dont want this to happen cuz I want my mind to be consumed by God and God alone. i wanna meditate on His word such tt it consumes me n I'll live out His word. I guess my prayers were answered! haha! n it doesnt feel tt bad anymore to let go. as compared to on monday. i was seriously brooding for some days!
Next was about the thing on electives. I badly wanted physics of sports cuz i dint wan the hr one cuz i cant write essays for nuts. so i was just praying. quoting the verse on presenting our requests with prayer n petition to God. God is good for He did grant my request! for u guess what. gen just asked out of the blue if i want physics of sports elective hahhaha! her fren dint want it n wanted to drop it. so i was deliriously happy.
till before we had time to switch, i was just thinking how maybe i dont need God after all. tt if somebody dint want it i'll know it soon. tt i can still get it coincidentally by my own efforts. how foolish i was. what happened was, he tried to drop n i was suppose to add. but when he dropped, gen saw the vacancy but it was gone immediately even tho i was clicking away. and i dint get it.
i wanted to cry seriously! okay, i did tear.
(over an elective! oh man!)
but i'm glad God used this to reinforce in me a very important lesson i learnt during camp. in this life, we're spinning on the wheel of circumstances. we cant stop the spinning. just like how this is so out of my control altho it's like thrown right at me. im just suppose to add it while he drop! i cant do it by my own human strengths definitely. (CLICK CLICK CLICK STILL NEVER GET!) terribbllleeeeee. haha.
and so, today, once again, i learnt how to give in. yield. surrender. my life to God once again. many plans i might have made for my life. many dreams of the future i want to have. yet, i gotta remember n be sensitive to the voice of God. is this what His plan is for me? do i have the courage n obedience enough to let go of my dreams n follow His plan?
so physics of sports anot. if i dont get it so be it. i believe God has His plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 is always so encouraging:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you n not to harm u, plans to give u a hope n a future.
So yeah, i just rest my life in His hands. God is the potter, i am the clay. i'm willing to let Him break my world, (break me the pot), im willing to let Him strip me of everything. If He finds any flaws in me. so that He can start over n mould a more beautiful n perfect pot. all I ask is that He gives me the strength n the courage.
how apt today's message was. about aligning our lives. n about yielding to the Lord. what a timely reminder to what i've been feeling the entire day.
and i will worship You, in the beauty of holiness
and i will worship You, for the things You've done in me
and when my life's complete, i place my crown at Your feet
i will worship You on bended knees
so yeah. DONT WORRY! it's mentioned in the bible 365 times, not to worry haha! i guess i've always been a worrier. so one time for each day of the year! im not to worry!
anw! i thought it was pretty hilarious when i found out tt day my best-pri-sch-swimming-fren actually had a crush on the same guy as i did back in pri sch! worse still, our groups dont even meet. which means, we dont even know him. but yet! haha!
but i guess in those days all around had quite alot of secret scandals unsaid. i think he might've known tho. abt me n my crush on him haha!
anw, there were 2 guys who came around the same time. i always wondered if they were like twins/bros. they started around the same time, were around same age, n look like uh the same, n were uh as weird. one wore yellow cap, called jared. the other wore blue cap. cant rem name. i think it was some 2 syllabus/chinese name. but i guess they arent twins cuz names were so different n not bros since same age.
i rem the girls dint like jared. i cant rem why. they made up this song one day when i wasnt there. it's a chant which goes something like: jared, the carrot, was eaten by a parrot.
HAHAHAHA!
aye i miss the girls :)
but anw i dint really know jared well. but his blue cap fren, once came for morning training. n i got to know him since morn training my group ppl can be like uh 4 of us or something. plus tt day after training we manage to wheedle permission from jiao lian to go jump from the diving boards in the diving pool!! so fun n scary!! haha i love it. so i got to know him n had quite alot of fun jumping. but after tt we hardly talked. one day during training, being a normal irritating guy, (they usually are very) he, for idunnowadreason, started shooting water from his mouth at every girl tt passed by. (they made alot of noise n were all screaming at him) we were doing kicking. as my turn came nearer n nearer, i was feeling damn disgusted n was ready to really whack (n show girlpower) if he dare shoot water at me. strangely, he dint do anything when i passed haha! i was a bit surprised. but i guess perhaps it was due to tt little friendship created then. cuz he wasnt really v close to the rest of our group. or even like friends to our group.
another one was yixuan. this guy uh! hahha. same age as me. same yellowblue kickboard as me. so sometimes must check when i take. sihui's bro. n they're cousins of lee ning n lee qi. so altho they came slightly later, they were part of our big group. felicia n vanessa included. he NEVER fails to stop disturbing me for whatever reason. always calling me joystick. haa. n during plunging, always like to play a fool n cut my queue den wanna jump dunwan jump. den in the end jiao lian say go no one jump. hahaa. but even among all the 'iwannakillyou!' feelings, i did have alot of fun n laughter n spent most of the time gurgling under the water laughing when swimming. but u gotta admit, joystick does sound abit like my name. he never disturbed anyone else as frequently as far as i remember. so sometime later, i once thot he liked me hahhahhaha!
okay end of story.
i miss my swimming days. my timing's so slow now! i gotta improve improve improve!! gogogo!
A walk down memory lane left me in some emotional turmoil.
The excitement mounted when i alighted outside the swimming pool. walking back up the familiar slope of toa payoh competition pool main entrance. cant help but remember 7 years ago, how we always waited there everyday for parents to fetch.
Found my way to nus ppl where sis n friends were gathered. I already suspected first event should be 1500m guys. true enough, 2 ppl were like 'warming up' inside hahhhaa! i was tickled. one was leonard. the other idunnowho. that was, heat1.
heat 2 was waiting there. sis excitedly told me, mok, danny yeo n clement are there. i couldnt stop um-chio-ing n i almost died. before she even told me clement's second from right, i already could tell altho they were rather far away. nothing changes uh. i couldnt even tell which is mok till she pointed out.
clement was wearing specs haha. he looks, pretty much the same to me. just an older version haha. the funniest was danny yeo! he's like still equally lanky. but now more muscle i shld guess. exactly the same still!! 1500m was interesting. danny's strokes r super nice. he seemed like he was doing 30 laps of warm ups. clement seemed like he was uh using more strength haha. kinda cool, the way the both of them pulled away n led the whole race. altho danny was like vrooom... after sometime. everyone was joking how mok took 8 laps to warm up.. before he started pulling away too n not lagging. i was hoping he wont catch up with clement hahhahaa! sorry split loyalties here.
anw, the results were 1st danny yeo 2nd clement 3rd mok.
i thought it was utterly cool... the first 2 both PAYSC ppl... n the 3rd someone who trained with PA at some point in time.
so after tt they went to water polo pool to cool down. i guess he'll forever be the same. i guess it's good to stay in the pool till all finish. but i guess maybe it slipped his mind or something for he left before the last one reached.
i went toilet to pee. all the soup n water for dinner. so i was just loitering around, looking thru the high fence at the familiar places. den dunno wad boring-looking event. so i stood at the side of the pool. just standing. suddenly, clement walked right by. he was, right in front of me! just like inches away! i almost died. why dint i say hello. why. why. why.
he was so super tall. like one head taller luh. (ideal height hahhaa!) ahhhhhh........ danny yeo den walked by. i always knew clement'll grow up to be tall. just a matter of hoW tall. cuz i remember his parents BOTH were very tall haha.
i remembered danny as some small uber flexible little boy last time. he wasnt tt fast. i guess he has improved loads. danny yeo kai quan. he's nice. but i dont remember talking to him much? i was much closer to the girls :) i miss them. sighhh. all i remember of danny yeo was when i first started way back in pri3 dec hols, chuan hao was being very irritating someday when we were doing breadth. so it was like me, chuan hao, n danny yeo there. den danny was like 'eh dont bully her larh'..... i was feeling very dots cuz a small little boy tells another small little boy not to bully me......... but i was quite thankful cuz he stopped wadever he was doing. (i cant rem wad tt was) but i guess when someone's nice to u u'll remember forever.
clement's sister, carina. she's 3 years younger. always same group as me! one of the first friends i made back then. she said something very insulting to me on one of my first few trainings. it was another breadth day. maybe the same day? i cant rem wad she said. but all i know i was very insulted. buden when i thot abt it a few years later, at tt time she was only end of k2, going on to pri1! strange, how as time went by we became very good frens. she's rather small n blur. i really wonder if she remembers me. even a teeny little bit.
he had quite a long break then. sis went to warm up/report alr. so i was rather alone then. i was just standing right on top having a bird's eye view. clement went to talk to coach. went to talk to a few ppl. den he started heading right. right over to the nus side!!!! n sat down, 3 ppl away from where i was sitting. he was talking to this indian guy, whose name i always see. from nus. before tt i said hi to him, courtesy of intro by sis. he's some damn cool bi person also. who's like a few seconds faster than clement. when the 1500m was abt to start everyone was like woah woah mok is there, n then they were talking abt clement! ahhhhhh. sighhh.
funny thing is his hair always stands up. haha! n his hair's not very short. whenever he just gets out from the water, n runs his hand thru his hair, everything will stand, wet or not. hahha! n he always has tt towel with him.
so yeah i went back to sit down n he was like, so near yet so far. he stayed for rather long, talking to tt guy. den he went back n talked to a few ppl from his place. den report for 200IM which he was idunnodoingwad. his fly was nice tho. his back was like taking his own sweet time!! his breas was like uhhhh... i thot he used to be a breastroker in pri sch..... free was like 'i give up' alr...... TERRIBLE...... hahaha..... den up n down for a while.... den 4x100m relay. AP know.. leaning against the fence, arms lidat. i guess he knew he had a not-so-good team n was like very sian. but he tried to catch up.
sadly, immediately after relay, he took his bag n left. he went toilet to change i guess. he was always msg-ing/on the phone. when he came out, i almost died cuz he was abt to leave n i dunno when's the nxt time i'll see him. this was the first time i see him since uh pri6. tt's like eons ago. but thank goodness he stood outside the toilet for very long on the phone. i was suppose to leave with ntu alr for the bus back to ntu. (bytheway ntu camp was sitting behind ngee ann's!) i was hoping they'll hurry up! but they were so slow! :( clement left like 1minute before ntu left. n when i went out there, he was no where in sight. danny yeo walked by tho. i wonder if he remembers me. i wouldnt've recognised him either if sis dint point out tho.
sighhhhhhhh.
mok was very funny tho. saying 'GO-p' n the stupid stuffs abt 'go sheares!' n abt his hi-tech hp which can send emails. come to think of it, both of them came from RI together. but he seems so much closer to danny yeo. both of them dint even speak a word! i guess it's just him.
sis's fren zhi yun reminds me alot of bernice heng. another swimming fren. she really looks verY alike.... i miss them loads. there's bernice, peishan, carina, n julia! but i guess we've nothing much to talk abt now. even my closest friend julia. ayeeee.
looks like some things never change.
how, can i reach tt level again?
I think it's pathetic, that everyone's incapable of showing love, me included.
2007 was the year of multiplication
2008 is the year of new beginnings
to me, i think 2008 is gonna be a year of trials. 2007 was a year where i rested n recharged n got to experience a new relationship with God all over again. somehow i feel tt 2008 is gonna be a year of much testing of how strong my faith is.
yup, i must know the season n be prepared.
but i'm thankful for the day of rest :) n pure enjoyment :) of sitting down n reading a good book :)