Saturday, January 12, 2008
9:32:00 pm
What a disappointing day this has been. But it never fails to amaze me how God always gives me understanding and comforts me in the midst of all these disappointments.
Firstly, I didnt get to see clement today. haha. altho there was prize presentation. mok wasnt there but he said on mon alr. n some girl from nus took instead. how funny haha. nobody claimed for clement! i wonder where did he go. and hence, i dint get to see him. i guess it's all for the better. such a thing as seeing him was amazingly unexpected and i guess such things r like once only. n since i missed it haha too bad lorh. just a cool memory i guess.
But most importantly. Sometimes when u have such a terrible crush it takes over ur everything. tt's how me n roomie think it's so tiring. especially your thoughts n mind. But i dont want this to happen cuz I want my mind to be consumed by God and God alone. i wanna meditate on His word such tt it consumes me n I'll live out His word. I guess my prayers were answered! haha! n it doesnt feel tt bad anymore to let go. as compared to on monday. i was seriously brooding for some days!
Next was about the thing on electives. I badly wanted physics of sports cuz i dint wan the hr one cuz i cant write essays for nuts. so i was just praying. quoting the verse on presenting our requests with prayer n petition to God. God is good for He did grant my request! for u guess what. gen just asked out of the blue if i want physics of sports elective hahhaha! her fren dint want it n wanted to drop it. so i was deliriously happy.
till before we had time to switch, i was just thinking how maybe i dont need God after all. tt if somebody dint want it i'll know it soon. tt i can still get it coincidentally by my own efforts. how foolish i was. what happened was, he tried to drop n i was suppose to add. but when he dropped, gen saw the vacancy but it was gone immediately even tho i was clicking away. and i dint get it.
i wanted to cry seriously! okay, i did tear.
(over an elective! oh man!)
but i'm glad God used this to reinforce in me a very important lesson i learnt during camp. in this life, we're spinning on the wheel of circumstances. we cant stop the spinning. just like how this is so out of my control altho it's like thrown right at me. im just suppose to add it while he drop! i cant do it by my own human strengths definitely. (CLICK CLICK CLICK STILL NEVER GET!) terribbllleeeeee. haha.
and so, today, once again, i learnt how to give in. yield. surrender. my life to God once again. many plans i might have made for my life. many dreams of the future i want to have. yet, i gotta remember n be sensitive to the voice of God. is this what His plan is for me? do i have the courage n obedience enough to let go of my dreams n follow His plan?
so physics of sports anot. if i dont get it so be it. i believe God has His plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 is always so encouraging:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you n not to harm u, plans to give u a hope n a future.
So yeah, i just rest my life in His hands. God is the potter, i am the clay. i'm willing to let Him break my world, (break me the pot), im willing to let Him strip me of everything. If He finds any flaws in me. so that He can start over n mould a more beautiful n perfect pot. all I ask is that He gives me the strength n the courage.
how apt today's message was. about aligning our lives. n about yielding to the Lord. what a timely reminder to what i've been feeling the entire day.
and i will worship You, in the beauty of holiness
and i will worship You, for the things You've done in me
and when my life's complete, i place my crown at Your feet
i will worship You on bended knees
so yeah. DONT WORRY! it's mentioned in the bible 365 times, not to worry haha! i guess i've always been a worrier. so one time for each day of the year! im not to worry!
anw! i thought it was pretty hilarious when i found out tt day my best-pri-sch-swimming-fren actually had a crush on the same guy as i did back in pri sch! worse still, our groups dont even meet. which means, we dont even know him. but yet! haha!
but i guess in those days all around had quite alot of secret scandals unsaid. i think he might've known tho. abt me n my crush on him haha!
anw, there were 2 guys who came around the same time. i always wondered if they were like twins/bros. they started around the same time, were around same age, n look like uh the same, n were uh as weird. one wore yellow cap, called jared. the other wore blue cap. cant rem name. i think it was some 2 syllabus/chinese name. but i guess they arent twins cuz names were so different n not bros since same age.
i rem the girls dint like jared. i cant rem why. they made up this song one day when i wasnt there. it's a chant which goes something like: jared, the carrot, was eaten by a parrot.
HAHAHAHA!
aye i miss the girls :)
but anw i dint really know jared well. but his blue cap fren, once came for morning training. n i got to know him since morn training my group ppl can be like uh 4 of us or something. plus tt day after training we manage to wheedle permission from jiao lian to go jump from the diving boards in the diving pool!! so fun n scary!! haha i love it. so i got to know him n had quite alot of fun jumping. but after tt we hardly talked. one day during training, being a normal irritating guy, (they usually are very) he, for idunnowadreason, started shooting water from his mouth at every girl tt passed by. (they made alot of noise n were all screaming at him) we were doing kicking. as my turn came nearer n nearer, i was feeling damn disgusted n was ready to really whack (n show girlpower) if he dare shoot water at me. strangely, he dint do anything when i passed haha! i was a bit surprised. but i guess perhaps it was due to tt little friendship created then. cuz he wasnt really v close to the rest of our group. or even like friends to our group.
another one was yixuan. this guy uh! hahha. same age as me. same yellowblue kickboard as me. so sometimes must check when i take. sihui's bro. n they're cousins of lee ning n lee qi. so altho they came slightly later, they were part of our big group. felicia n vanessa included. he NEVER fails to stop disturbing me for whatever reason. always calling me joystick. haa. n during plunging, always like to play a fool n cut my queue den wanna jump dunwan jump. den in the end jiao lian say go no one jump. hahaa. but even among all the 'iwannakillyou!' feelings, i did have alot of fun n laughter n spent most of the time gurgling under the water laughing when swimming. but u gotta admit, joystick does sound abit like my name. he never disturbed anyone else as frequently as far as i remember. so sometime later, i once thot he liked me hahhahhaha!
okay end of story.
i miss my swimming days. my timing's so slow now! i gotta improve improve improve!! gogogo!
