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Roomie is singing Singapore Rhapsody. Sad to say, whenever i hear that song now i'll think of shirley's disgusting playing at that horrible part. (where i always crinch inside) altho to me, tj gave the best version of that set piece ever :) AND im not being biased hahhahahha
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I got 5 ferroro rochers plus my most precious econs notes back.
Like what lols said, it seems like someone can be erased totally from my memory. And I certainly intend for it to remain like that. Funny huh.
All the nonsense of hall FOC. I was being damn damn ap, and refusing (flat) to hold anybody's hands or do any of those stupid things they keep trying to make us do. i think they wanted to slap me uh haa. I just somehow couldn't, COULDN't bring myself to hold some random person's hands, for no particular reason. (aye it was different during fright night haa!) Throughout that time, I always wondered what eugene would've done. He is one guy who at times, is so sensitive to physical contact. how can someone not wanna hug denise! she's denise you know! haa. i miss her!
I really loved those times in the staffroom, where everyday we had illegal gatherings at me n eugene's place, aka the igloo. (till i change the temperature n it'll become the tropics) talking abt MISTER and her 'you can really cut' plus our pipecleaners n free labour. plus the endless songs. the figuring out of chem stuffs. just chilling. the afternoon sun peaking thru the blinds. jokes n gossips. thurday pre-ordering of western! rounds around the track. 12noon runs.
i still remember, the first day of staff meeting in dec hols. HOW COULD EUGENE BE LATE! but tt's him. the typical mr-gentleman. i stuck to him the first time we were intro-ed. the times we were like students, sitting at the back during lectures uh talking/sleeping. rubiks + pizza! mr-badminton. the times when he took my classes, just for the fun of it :) the times we went walking-around tj campus during orientations, n stealing points (cuz the head of games was my student) and making groups do running/physical stuffs before we gave them points. HAA! we became uh tanned too. it was a hot afternoon. i miss eugene. i feel so blessed to have known him.
u know, i'll always look back at those times with such fond memories. all the junk food! hersheys.. zip bars... calvin tan's fishtank.... plus dead fishes.. (they actually took a plastic knife n sawed off the head! i was horrifed..... they were disgusted too) pon-ing staff meetings haa!
great company which i miss.
okay study!
One can't help but feel excited. Although I bet you it's more or less junk as usual.
So what's up.
I'm feeling tired and sleeeppyyyyy.
One must really be amazed at how effortlessly my dad can talk n make frens. I guess my sis takes after him.
But I must say I got a little excited. And just for some moments I let myself think if that was true, how different everything would seem now uh. No more piano teacher :) but i hate to put too much hope on anything. disappointments are disappointing.
But I guess i'll just gotta put my trust in God and Him alone :)
10 years difference is quite alot.
I think when you're in the midst of children, it's all about giving. People have very different personalities. Like my sis, she's the sort who 'looks after' others. Same for how vivien took care of me in tkgs. For me, i've never really been lidat. It's always ppl taking care of me. But i guess it's cuz i'm somehow always too shy to approach ppl. But somehow, with the Eunos kids, it's just about making them happy, making them feel loved. And I like it :) I guess cuz I know when I'm back to wherever I am now, there'll be ppl here to take care of me. So I guess it's a cycle :)
YAY I MISS CAREHUT!
I
want
to
learn
how
to
COOK!
Yes, that's what I'm gonna try to achieve during this dec hols! For the first time, after saying I wanna do something, I've been trying to think of HOW i can actually go abt achieving this hahah! sounds like how those adult ppl always tell us how to reach our goals etc. But I'm really thinking FOR REAL now eh. Maybe I'm growing up haa.
Certainly this cant be done at home. Perhaps how come I've never got the chance to is cuz mom doesnt like to fry. Cuz the whole house gets very oily. Alot of cleaning up to do after etc...... SO.......... how how how how how how how.
Perhaps I shall try ttk's house! Last week of dec, he got his leave! wahahha. BUT his mom n maid will think I'm weird n I'm quite terrified of them.
But cook I shall :) Maybe I shall try to cook soup at home, and fry stuffs at ttk's hse.. but his mom is a good cook. jus tt im scared of her haa.
I SHALL LEARN HOW TO COOK!
I don't know why but I feel SO exhausted after every paper. Maybe it's cuz i dunno why i keep waking up for no particular reason at ~5.50am. (5.52 on sat, 5.53 today) and then i can hardly go back to sleep :( maybe my body mechanism misses tj hahaa.
I feel like I stepped out of a war zone after every paper. At least I did my best. No discussions please. I don't really care if the sales revenue is 105% or 100% when include gst.
On a more interesting note, I met howard a few times today! He's friendly luh. It's still strange to me, how a senior is now like 'on-par'... we're both yr1s sitting for the same paper! haa.
Interestingly enough, this pic was taken exactly 6 months ago! 19th may 2007 during prelude 27 at vch!
Lee wei came over to talk to me n lols last night. (or was it this morning...) He was saying how when you turn 21, ppl tend to treat you more seriously. (altho lols thinks ppl treat her very seriously alr haha) Makes me wonder if that is really true. Am I really a kid? You mean ppl dont take me seriously now uh......
But whatever it is, i like being 18 years 11 months 13 days 16 hours 1 minute old :)
Amazing love, amazing love,
amazing love, amazing love.
All I know is I once was lost
but now I'm found
I was blind but now I see
and I know He will do for you
what He's done for me
Did I mention I love sitting in the car, speeding along the express way at 1km/5sec (according to the dist travelled meter) in the lovely ulu-ated night air, with windows open, blasting hillsongs n feeling happy cuz I dunnid to feel guilty not studying for that moment.
Today there was water baptism. Ee Li was baptised! Testimonies were interesting. One girl from Ignyte (hence rather small) was saying how at one point of time she was 'tired of living, but afriad to die.' how cute. I loved the singing today cuz pastor peter was the one singing. his voice rocks. plus we sang alot of old songs. plus the atmosphere was really different. prob so many older folks around haha. We might be moving back to adam nxt year. I certainly dont mind. that place holds alot of memories.
I feel so blessed to be a child of God. Knowing i've a Father who cares for me and who is above all. like wad pastor gerald said today 'we live in a world which needs hope, but we know that there is hope thru God.'
I quite love saturdays after the teaching part. I feel so rejuvenated, refreshed, both from church and home! constantly stuck to the piano playing my fav parts. i left my book at home (so sad!!) so tt i'll concentrate n study here haa. the air smelled lovely at home. wished i could stay there longer tho. but thankful for free ride back. much lovely food to eat! good soup, plateful of veggies to crunch thru (i was tired of chewing!) chocolate milk which i dint get to drink :(, COLD longans! ben n jerry's! yummmyyyyy. but aye the stay was too short. one more week and im FREE!
but for now, mug i shall :)
I feel VERY out-of-sorts now :(
I think everything's much better now :) It's like quite a relief we can talk joke n laugh. I guess it was like less than 5mins. But still after tt period of time when I don't even say hi when I walk by his window when me n lols used to drop by excitedly after band pracs always. That's our mugger's association pres haa! :)
But what made me stunned abit was when he said 'I think I try to hard alr.'
Ayeee food for thought.
Cheerios.
I think yesterday's dinner was one of the best :) It was after a nice run. (sadly I took exactly 35mins.. no good no good.. but at least I finished the round) AND after a nice shower. And after nice company. And eating my fav chilli long beans (altho rather oily) And with good company (lols n peiyi) And WATCHING TV! 9-10 chi show. Know abit of tt show cuz used to watch it occasionally on tv mobile in the morn 10plus. Turns out it was da jie ju altho we left 10mins before show ended. Found out ending anw.
It was so nice. To sit in the canteen, watching tv, eating dinner, feeling so clean n nice! With thoughts of studying thrown far away for tt moment :)
As small as Sheena is, I think she's found a new target --> ME!
Just sitting here, not saying anything, not doing anything, she can come up with 2 scandels, and entertain herself with my chinese name. amazing! laughter is good tho. but maybe not so good considering tmr is my paper! first paper after like 1year. ayeee.
here goes!
I heard I spent 2 whole hours on friday night talking to lee wei who came over to visit. I like talking to him. Somehow, he seems to know and tells me straight. I don't know how, I don't know why, but somewhere along the way, this fear kinda developed. The fear of not doing well. Many times, I find myself not bothering to give in my best. Like running etc, I don't wanna push myself to the limit. Always feeling proud of the fact that I'm having a nice relaxing jog and I can still survive. Maybe it's time to admit that I'm afraid, afraid to find out tt i can only do so much even though I put in 100%. I didn't use to be like this?
Maybe, maybe it was just somehow in tj, i was the mad girl who topped the cohort for econs during jct yr1 -- (and got 3As 1B) everyone went on to say 'wah wah wah'. then there was band too. what with being the 'legend' and those magical moments during fiesta04 :) but with this, there came all the expectations, which i've always tried to live up to.
I've always tried so hard, to be perfect, be it studies, music, sports. Sometimes I just get so tired. If i'm not doing work, it's band prac. Not band prac, gotta prac piano. Not piano, run/swim/cycle. and that's how 24hrs FLY by everyday.
As a band member, we're known to be slackers. even mrs raj asked randell 'are u a band member?' cuz he's always so slack n playful. i very much wanted to tell her 'i'm one okay!' but i guess she subsequently found out anw haa! classmates asked 'eh i everytime see u in school or going out with ...... how u study one uh'. frequently i fall asleep during class/lecture, nv do tutorials (always depending on angie haha) pon lectures etc. n yeah they wonder how come i still do well haha. well i dont really wonder. I guess God has His plans for me. and it's by His grace everything's like this. but i guess all this heck-care-ness-but-still-do-well thingy has kinda made me afraid to show ppl im trying my best but yet this is all i can achieve.
Perhaps I don't think I can find the energy. I think lee wei knows it's cuz im scared. Well... I guess I should talk to him more haha. 'You have to start somewhere.' He makes me think, think of the possibilities which i never considered. and i would say tt's not a bad thing. 'You don't have to be the best in everything you do.'
Sound advice.
Somehow, this time round, 2 years seems so big. Strange, how in the beginning all of them seemed like the same age. Hard to imagine marcus being 3 years older!! but along the way, the 2 year gap really seems big.
Food for thought.
But I would say I'm pretty much satisfied nowadays. Uh besides my growing dislike for studying haha. I pretty much gotta tear myself from the piano at home. So many songs i wanna play! and running and all is like fun. okay altho maybe hills not so haha. So i guess it's more of from the heart than anything else now :)
I think, I'm growing up.
FOR ONCE! i woke up at 645am like wow! and so for once i reached at an unearthly hour of 8.16am. not surprising that UWC person, DINT COME. (like what the......) 45mins of my sleep i could have had. i was so sleepy i thought i was gonna die. no lunch. 915-315 straight. i guess i was mentally prepared so time pretty much flew by. sharon was damn ap today n i got irritated with her too.
oh my bro's comp is dell as well as keyboard n mouse. so it feels like the school comps haa. grade 6 theory was good though. so i groggily made my way back. in quite a mood today. gave a most ap attitude to this person who was like so ........ n went 'excuse me'..... wah mao.
i know why my neck went mad already. it's cuz im always carrying madly heavy loads in my bag!
so church today was funnyyyy. the first thing everyone said when they walked in was 'ISIT ME OR IS THIS PLACE FREEEZZZINNNGGG COLD!' it turned out they were doing somethings to the aircon. so the repairer person told them to on all 5 blowers. when usually they only on 3. so the whole world was freezzinggg! (till now typing this my feet r still ice cold!) pastor said we're the 'frozen chosen' -.- thank goodness i brought jacket mann! usually nv but dunno why today just asked mom to take out jacket. the little miracles in my life :)
n so cuz we're being audited (as the church is so rich), our rev pastor was talking to the ppl from ernst n young. n he was saying how he invited them all to come for service except one. cuz he was from city harvest n so pastor dom asked him to better stay at city harvest cuz he's good frens with the pastor there haa.
pastor gerald preached a verrryyy good message today :)
we sang alot of old nice nice nice songs today!! and we sang nice songs i like which i've been singing over the week so yeahhh :)
I was made to praise You
I was made to glorify Your name
In every circumstance
I'll find a chance to thank You
I was made to love You
I was made to worship at Your feet
And to obey You Lord
I was made for You
never to forget what's our purpose on earth and what we were created for :)
I love the bridge to this song. coincidentally pastor gerald was saying abt this today haha
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from now into eternity
THE song of the week!
Consuming fire, fan into flames
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God, won't You fall in this place
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way
Last but not least, I think this song might be our church compose one. Love it! cant rem the verse but anw....
Let everything,
Everything within me
Bless Your name
I stand in wonder
of Your power
of Your awesome ways.
God eternal
praise I offer
all of my days
let everything within me
bless Your name
I think i might be going for church camp after all. that means tj band camp (prob just visit) followed by church camp, followed by ntu band camp, followed by japan trip, followed by a very tired me at the end of 3 weeks.
I am amazed at Your love
I am amazed at Your mercy
That the God of forever
Would share it together with me
I amazed that You chose me
I amazed that You showed me
All the love of the Father
Taking me further
Than anything I've ever seen
I am amazed
It struck me today, that I'm a very different person at home and here in this room in NTU. Somehow, whenever I'm here, I just feel very calm, slow-to-anger, unmove-able, emotionless. I think, this is veryyy strange!
For now, after exam activities is fIRST UP! kimura takuya's movie!! heroes!
and then, home, to study a levels chem n maths. believe it or not! followed by 2hr tuition the nxt day. I'm quite determined to do this right this time round :)
then on to happy thurs where i'll be BACK AT TJ!! to see ppl yay yay YAY! n hear zachary sing! wahaha..
then fri sat sun work work work. extremely long days ahead. then the following weeks band-ing at ntu, tj, n make up piano lessons. teribleeeeee. if i go for church camp it'll be 4 days church camp, followed by 3 days band camp, another day band prac den fly off to japan! like WOAH. haha busyyyyyy :) i quite like it tho haa
Murderous thoughts overflowing. DIE DIE DIE. And I would get the insurance money! wowhee. How wonderfully lovely. A pity, after so many years, I'm not yet self-sufficient. My monthly income doesnt even hit $1000 AND I seem to be spending more than I'm earning. What a joke.
What a great fat LIAR.
Not a single tear is worth this.
ASSHOLE.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
so much for forgiveness. the battle is so tough........